when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh god it's open bar.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
