i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
