I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize