Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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