were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
