i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
