This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
