This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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