You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize