garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
