We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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