I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
