im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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