some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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