Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
