Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
