He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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