i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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