when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
