Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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