Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
