The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
