Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
