Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
