you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize