I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The Olympian is in my bed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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