Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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