i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
