i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
