that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She announced her abortion via fbk
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
