I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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