Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
