You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
