i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
