You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
