Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
