I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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