lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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