In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
