so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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