Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
