we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
