she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
