I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He shit in the fireplace
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
