i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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