Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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