i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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