I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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