i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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