i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
