a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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