he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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