Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My pussy is not your playground.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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