I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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