My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
