i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
