Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize