Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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