I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
