I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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