The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
