I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
