Jerry, you need to find god
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
