dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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