Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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