I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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