Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
