I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
