Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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